the ever-cynical uber-fangirl (melody2tds) wrote,
the ever-cynical uber-fangirl

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You know, I'm so glad that I've made it a point to always talk about Diabetes and Hypoglycemia with my grandmother. We've had long conversations about the various ways it affects your life, how it works, and how to take care of yourself.
Because now, how much I know about it is so ingrained on her mind, that even when her blood sugar is so low that she thinks that she's late for dinner with my grandfather (who's been dead for over 20 years), and she doesn't even have the control over her own body to sit up by herself, she STILL listens to me.
All I have to say is "Gran, aren't I ALWAYS right about this?", and she'll ponder that for a moment or two, then say "Yes." and start eating and drinking whatever I give her.
It's not logic. She's not capable of logic when she's that far into it. Sometimes she doesn't even rocognise who I am, but she still listens. It's reflex, and trust. Somewhere in her mind, she knows that I know what I'm talking about, so she listens to me.

The problem with that is that I'm not always going to be living here. I don't WANT to always be living here. I want a place of my own, and I intend to get one as soon as possible. Which would leave my mother alone here with her.
My mother does NOT have the knowledge that I have about this, and my grandmother knows that. She's also never been able to stand up to people in any way. A diabetic in insulin shock is NOT the easiest person to deal with. Think of the most spoiled 3 year old you've ever met, having a tantrum, multiply that by 10, and you have my grandmother in insulin shock. All the way down to the hitting, spitting, screaming, breath-holding, and flailing. It is NOT easy, it is NOT fun, and sometimes it's scary as hell.
I don't think I've ever seen my mother handle one of her BAD insulin reactions by herself. She always has to come get me, so that I can do it. I'm the one with the forceful personality. I'm just more STUBBORN than my grandmother is, so i always win. My mother doesn't.
I've never seen her win.

And that scares me more than the worst of my grandmothers reactions.
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