-the ever-cynical uber-fangirl-


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40 20 entries back
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send me a file


the animal rescue site


alter ego.


king of the night time world.

in the garden.

the morning after.

the hindu times.

girls lie.

road trip.

lab rat.

past time i'd say.

-January 14, 2005 - 5:46 pm-

why is it that i can go to the grocery store, with 50-60 dollars, and come home with enough food to feed the three of us for a week. but my grandmother and my mother can go to the commissary on base, spend 150+ dollars, and on the same night, i cant even find something to make myself for dinner?
I even gave them a list. Stuff for the two meals i'm going to cook for the three of us this week, and some individual things that i can cook in 5 minutes for myself. I NEED to have things that i can make quickly, so that if i start getting sick, i can take care of myself before I get too sick to cook.
My mother says she lost the list i gave her. Yet, everything i asked for to cook the meals is there. just none of the individual things i asked for. down to the american cheese slices and peanut butter, so that if i AM too sick to cook, i can grab a piece of bread and in a few seconds, have something that'll have me feeling better in a few minutes.
I am eating a fucking bowl of cereal for dinner, because i was too sick from running around paying bills this afternoon to cook myself something with the crap they bought today.
Not to mention the fact that i dont even have anything to drink in the house other than water and milk. they bought me cranberry-apple juice cocktail. I dont drink apple juice. I dont drink soda. i dont drink anything other than coffee, tea, cranberry juice, water, and on RARE occasions lemonade or milk. can you tell from that list WHY i don't drink apple juice?
it's SWEET. anything MADE with it is sweet. The mix of those two juices is made for people who like apple juice, but want to drink cranberry for whatever reason. I HATE sweet drinks. Unless i have NO other options, i refuse to drink them. The only time you can find me drinking something sweet, is if my blood sugar has dropped so low that i cant do anything OTHER than drink something sweet to bring it back up. And even then, i usually just put extra sugar in my cranberry juice and drink that. so that at least i'm getting SOMETHING i can stand. They KNOW that.

It sounds like i'm just being picky. but you have to understand that I don't ask them to help me when i get sick. We have enough problems taking care of my grandmother when her blood-sugar drops. she takes injected insulin. She can go into a coma if she doesn't have someone here to help her. I dont need that. spontanious hypoglycemia isn't nearly as serious. I might pass out, but as the demands on my body from moving around stopped, my blood sugar WOULD stabalize on it's own. enough for me to at least wake up, get myself a sweet drink, and raise it enough that i can make myself something to eat.
I never get into a position where i cant do for myself, what we have to do for my grandmother.
different types of things, that require different lengths of time to prepare, so that whatever position i'm in, i can take care of myself. but i cant do that if they DONT get me what i ask them for.
This isn't the first time it's happened. that's WHY i make them a list in the first place. despite the fact that every week the list is almost exactly the same. they STILL forget from week to week that there is a reason i ask for certain things. if they just ignore those things it makes it very diffucult for me to function normally. You would think that after having her own insulin reactions, my grandmother at least would understand where i'm coming from. she hates that we have to help her so often. so why can't she get it through her stubborn head that i'm trying to take care of MYSELF too. sometimes i'll be helping her, while at the same time trying desperately to fight off my OWN insulin reastion long enough to pull her out of hers.

i'm sorry. at this point i'm just rambling and ranting. i just needed to get all this frustration off my chest before i had to go out there and explain to them for the hundredth time WHY i give them a list, and WHY i need them to get everything on it, no matter what.

mood - aggravated
4 where we are || tell me
-January 13, 2005 - 4:42 pm-

something i forgot to do...

was give the answers from THIS POST

guess the song meme: answersCollapse )

tell me
-January 13, 2005 - 3:31 pm-

this seems fun. and it'll wake me up...

...since i have to go to the bank before 5pm.
ABC meme, snagged from piratesorkaCollapse )

you know... at least when my grandmother was i the hospital i didn't have to listen to her nagging. I hate arguing with her, but i hate being walked all over even more.

mood - aggravated
3 where we are || tell me
-January 12, 2005 - 9:10 pm-


The song playing in the background at Sydney's party on Alias right now is 'You All Everybody' by Driveshaft.

Using the fictional band from one hit show in the soundrtack for your OTHER hit show. Talk about perfect product placement...

Highly amused, Mr. Abrams. HIGHLY amused...

mood - LMAO
tell me
-January 7, 2005 - 5:20 pm-

knitting whilst watching back episodes of CSI for the ten thousandth time is very relaxing.

except when i somehow drop four stitches in a row, because i stopped paying attention to what i'm doing in order to watch a Greg scene, and have no idea how to fix it.

mood - confused
3 where we are || tell me
-December 31, 2004 - 12:20 pm-

i posted about this yesterday, right after i heard. but apparently it didn't go through before i got booted offline. trouble with the modem, but that's been replaced now.
my grandmother is coming home tomorrow. she's done so well in rehab for her hip, that she's actually getting out about two weeks early. she'll still be on a walker, because she's a bit unsteady. but if she COULD jump for joy, she would. if only for the fact that she wont have to eat hospital food anymore.

my 2004 pretty much sucked. i'm not even going to bother with the year in review meme, because it'll just depress me. i'm looking forward to 2005. i'll be 27. officially in my late 20's. and i've finally figured out what to do with myself. my new year's resolution is to do everything in my power to make that happen. everything. which is a fairly open-ended resolution, so i think it'll work rather nicely. ;D

eta: i've noticed another pattern on CSI. other than the one-liners before each credit sequence. Greg always gets all the good double entendres. case in point: "nuts don't just pop off by themselves..." i swear, the writers must just LOVE him... i have high hopes for the next ep. the teaser last night made me giggle.

mood - hopeful
tell me
-December 29, 2004 - 1:42 pm-

i rarely do this in my LJ...

so you know i mean it when i do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY whimsicalmusing!!! ((HUGS))
i cant wait till i get out to LA and get the chance to meet you in person. you're one of the coolest, sweetest, most down to earth people I've met through this thing, and i appreciate that more than you know.

that done, i can say that i've been busy, and well. i'm learning to knit, again. gran isn't the most patient teacher in the world, but we're managing. and i learn quickly. which is good, cause otherwise i think she'd have strangled me by now. lol
she learned in england when she was about four, then taught me when i was about eight. but i didn't keep it up, and i've forgotten everything now. but i've wanted to pick it back up for a couple years, to give me something to do with my hands when i'm bored.
so, we go up and spend a few hours a day at the nursing home to keep her company, and this gives us something amusing to do while we're there.

mood - content
2 where we are || tell me
-December 24, 2004 - 10:27 pm-


dirty dancing x 2!
i dont care how many times i see this movie, i can still watch it again. and again, and again....

dirty dancing, and point break. my two comfort films. you'd think i had a thing for patrick swayze, but he's incidental. it's the movies themselves. *sigh*

ok. gotta go see if i remember how to knit.

ETA: I don't. i'll have to get gran to remind me tomorrow. lol

mood - enthralled
tell me
-December 23, 2004 - 11:28 am-

bibliotech has made my day. wound up being far more than half an hour of entertainment.

now i have to go to the nursing home for a christmas party. which, strangely enough, will not be as bad as it sounds. because my grandmother is as sarcastic as i am, and enjoys making fun of the other old people. =D

but before that, i should shower. apparently i smell.

ETA: why the fuck hasn't my top artists updated in like, a week? i'm on to a completely different fucking playlist.

mood - amused
15 where we are || tell me
-December 21, 2004 - 5:36 pm-

am i the only one who's noticed that suprnova and tvtorrents are both gone?

the rest of the sites i use are still up. including the suprnova mirror. but, ya. it's gonna really suck if they're shutting them down...

7 where we are || tell me
-December 20, 2004 - 3:30 pm-

i need entertainment, or i shall be forced to exercise...


ETA: y'all are no help, whatsoever... Off to the gym, I suppose.

mood - silly
tell me
-December 19, 2004 - 3:40 pm-



i have french roast. peach yogurt. and i finally found my lip balm.

all is right with the world. =D

mood - content
2 where we are || tell me
-December 19, 2004 - 2:28 pm-

bla bla bla...

I love winter. well, more specifically, i love winter in Florida.
When the temp is in the mid 60s, but the sun is shining, and the wind is negligible.
except for the fact that my lips are chapped, and i cant find my lip balm. other than that, i'm a happy camper.

I even went to the mall yesterday. and it wasn't torture!
my grandmother, knowing i need work clothes, and that she cant do any christmas shopping, since she's stuck in rehab for her hip, gave me her Sears card and told me to get whatever i needed.
we found parking spot at the front, sears wasn't massively crowded, and i actually found clothes that fit me properly. not that i bought much i'd normally wear anywhere... but i needed office-appropriate clothes. although i managed to mix it up a bit.

two pairs of pants. black and a dark greyish khaki. with normal waists, so i wont be showing off my tattoo every time i sit down. lol
i hate pants that aren't low waist. they never seem to feel right on my body-shape. but i'll deal. i'll never wear them outside of work, but that's what jeans are for.

three tops. a tan cardigan with pretty rhinestone buttons, a blue cardigan with a broach of all things, and a button down shirt in a color i cant really describe. it's not quite pink, not quite lavender, but a lovely mix of the two. suffice to say, it does wonderful things for my green eyes. a white cami to wear with the cardigans. although, i intend to wear them as shirts. they're also VERY VERY soft. I like being touchable. i think it's the tease in me. the tops are all from the junior dept. and appease the style-maven in me. 'cause i will NOT start dressing like i'm in my 30s. no matter how much they're paying me.

a new pair of black dress shoes. pointed toe, with a kitten heel. but office appropriate, comfortable, and more importantly they fit. unlike all my other black shoes. and with my first paycheck, i'm going back to buy the same pair in tan. cause they're absolutely gorgeous.

and two new bras, because they were on sale at a price that made them an instant purchase. ($3 each on clearance? hell yeah! i usually pay $20-$30! Natural D breasts are really hard to shop for, I'll have you all know...) I did discover something interesting, and potentially frightening. despite losing at least 10 pounds since i last bought a bra, i've gone up a size, again. this frightens me because my mother and grandmother both have breasts of a size that cause back problems. even with the family tendency to have a large enough fame to be able to handle it.
I dont have my mother's frame. I'm shorter (she's 5'11. why couldn't i get her height instead of her boobs?), with smaller bone structure. but i apparently have the same body shape. this does not bode well for my future breast size. or spine health, for that matter. o_O *starts saving up for a reduction*

and my mother also got two shirts for herself.

the total for the entire purchase was $110. how you ask? christmas sales, and the fact that i had two credit-rewards coupons that my grandmother gave me last year. for $20 and $17.50 respectively. which bought the shoes and the tan sweater. if nothing had been on sale, and i hadn't had those coupons, the total would have come to around $300. so we done good. =D

let's see. what else is new... Digital cable fucking rules... I have 400+ channels. lmao
and since they installed the box converter outside, the cable internet signal is stronger. so those probs we've been having have been solved.

my grandmother is doing wonderfully. she's stronger now than she was before she hurt herself. she still has a couple weeks left in rehab, but when she gets out she should be better off than when she went in. and she knows it, so she's not fighting them, like she normally would.

mood - chipper
5 where we are || tell me
-December 16, 2004 - 3:03 pm-


i just spent the last 4 hours trying to fix my internet connection yet AGAIN.
I have to say, i'm not impressed with Roadrunner tech support. I'm the one who set up the network in the first place. I dont need to be spoken to like a 5 year old, in order to understand someone's simple instructions. And the more times you explain the same thing to me after I've already understood it the first time, the more likely i am to start speaking to you the same way you're speaking to me. SLOWLY and CAREFULLY.
I finally had to flat out tell the guy to stop treating me like a mental patient and solve my problem, before i took my bloody business somewhere else.

anyway. I wound up telling him i'd figure it out on my own. and about 10 minutes after i hung up with him, i'd done so. I should have just done what i thought was going to fix it in the first place, instead of listening to my panicky mother about calling them.

THEN i had to finish with the applications that the consulting firm sent me. Which of course, involved having to convert all their documents into something my computer could open and edit, then converting them all to HTML so i could send them back in a format they would be able to read on their computers. Including my own resume and references. So i got to have fun with HTML, on top of everything else.

But now, it's all done. The only thing i have left to worry about is hoping the interview goes well tomorrow morning. so wish me luck with that.

and remind me never to agree to an all-day appointment to have a technician/repair person set something up, again. I'm STILL waiting for the cable guy to show up and hook up our TV service. He's got an hour before i start calling and reminding them that it gets dark early, and if he's not here soon he'll be working outside in the dark. and after dealing with that idiot at tech support, i wont be making anyone from their company any hot chocolate, when they freeze their asses off outside in the dark. that's for damn sure.

mood - annoyed
4 where we are || tell me
-December 15, 2004 - 12:29 pm-

only one thing really scares me right now.

i dont want to spend the rest of my life working in an office. no matter how good the situation.
I have a very bad tendency to get complacent.
It's the only reason i stayed in my last position for so long, even though i knew it was never going to go anywhere, i hated the work, and didn't like the company at all. but the money was good, the work was extremely easy for me, and my only coworker was a good friend above and beyond the fact that we worked together.
So for 3 years i stayed in a job i didn't like, because it was easy, and i was lazy.

this wont be an EASY job if i get it, but it probably wont be a REAL challenge either. the money will be far and above what i considered good before, and i can already tell the atmosphere will be great, just from speaking for half an hour over the phone with the person who'll be my direct superior.

BUT. it's STILL not even CLOSE to what i want to be doing with my life.

I've finally gotten to the point where i'm done with procrastinating. i FULLY intend, as of this moment, to move to LA within the next two years. If not sooner. a LOT sooner. If i'd found a job 3 months ago, i'd already be looking for apartments. Because it feels like my chance to succeed in that life is slipping further away every year.

That's the reason I resisted posting my resume for so long, in the first place. I knew i was qualified for a decent office job. although not necessarily at the salary and level of benefits they're offering. I'm probably as qualified to manage an office as the person i spoke to this morning. I just didn't want to.
I was looking for a position at a heath club, or a coffee shop, or basically anywhere OTHER than an office where I might have the chance to get lazy, and wind up procrastinating again.

I'm going to have to constantly be on my guard to keep myself from falling into my old habit of letting myself forget my own goals.

mood - contemplative
9 where we are || tell me
-December 15, 2004 - 9:24 am-

omg dont these potential employers know i dont get up till after 11? LMAO

i was sleeping. *whines*

but it was the consulting firm again. the office manager, this time. To chat with me before my interview on Friday. I was sooo grumpy when i answered the phone. i found out who it was, asked her to give me a moment, and did jumping jacks in the hall to get enough blood flowing to my brain to hold a normal conversation. came back to the phone, slightly out of breath, but sounding like i'd been up for hours. i think she was impressed. I managed to find the humor in the situation, and make her laugh a bit, too.
She flat out told me that she was impressed with my resume, and after speaking with me (after i woke up), thought i'd be perfect for their office, and that she cant wait to meet me on Friday.

EEEEE! *bounces*

i need to learn powerpoint. I wonder if i can download a copy...?

mood - awake
2 where we are || tell me
-December 14, 2004 - 11:15 am-

my uploadit account is expiring. which means that most, if not all, of my graphics are about to turn into red Xs of doom..
this is basically a note for anyone who might be looking for something in particular. I have everything backed up. but i'm conserving bandwidth till i can renew my account.

so if you can't find something, just ask, and i'll re-post it.

tell me
-December 14, 2004 - 3:22 pm-

i'll be damned!

my resume hasn't even been up on careerbuilder.com for 12 hours yet, and i've had 3 legit offers. and that's NOT counting the staffing agencies and temp services that have been calling all day.

front office coordinator for a national consulting firm's central fl office, advertising assistant with the St. Pete Times, and reception at a local cosmetic dentist's office.
The consulting firm is in Tampa, and the other two are in Clearwater.

I like the idea of working for the SPT... but, I could really use the perks of working in a dentist's office.
the consulting firm almost looks too good to be true. i checked their website, and their benefits package and general salary ranges are out of this world. i just spoke to their HR person on the phone, and they seem really interested. She scheduled me for an interview as soon as i called.

I think i want to give it a little more time, though. See what other offers i get, cause apparently i'm more employable than i thought. o_O

ETA: i just did some calculations, and if the consulting firm offers me even the bare MINIMUM salary they list on their website, i'll have $1800.00 left at the end of the month. AFTER (!!!!) paying all my bills.
so yeah, i think i'll be taking that one if the interview goes well. lol

*does a BIG happy dance*

mood - AMAZED!
7 where we are || tell me
-December 10, 2004 - 2:23 pm-

since i cant get the last post to edit without killing my connection...

my fucking internet access is so screwed up right now, i can barely open a single window without it overloading the connection. I just called and bitched my cable company out like you wouldn't believe. It's been so bad the last couple days, i'd be getting a better signal if i hooked up to our 20 year old phone lines, than i'm getting with my $50 a month cable connection.
I think that's also what's wrong with the TV signal. apparently it's been getting steaily weaker for a week. which makes the time-frame correct. so maybe when they FINALLY get it fixed, it'll take care of that problem too. I've called and complained three times in 12 hours, and each time they've told me that they're still working on the problem.

ETA: and then one of the cable guys just showed up unannounced at my house. I'm still in my pajamas, my bedroom (where the comp is) was a disaster area, and the cats were all running around the house like someone was after them with a really big stick. not to mention we had all the wiring for the television connection we get off of the cable modem still hooked up despite it not working for the last week and a half. talk about a fucking panic attack. I had to have my mother round up the cats and stall the guy while i ran around fixing everything the way it's supposed to be, got dressed, and cleaned my bedroom.
however, they confirmed that our network set-up isn't causing the problem, and that there is something major wrong with the signal for our entire area. so, we're getting a week's credit to our account. but the connection will be in and out all day long.

and now i'm gonna go take a nap. no tv, internet too slow to bother with, and nothing i want to read. not much else for me to do, really.

mood - drained
tell me
-December 8, 2004 - 11:40 am-

i dont know why it's easier to clean the house to Marilyn Manson.... You'd think it would make it easier to trash the house, instead.

my cable is still out. i have no clue what's wrong, and apparently everyone else is stumped too. since my plea for help has garnerned zilch. No lost for me tonight. I'll have to download it. None of our tvs work properly without cable, anymore. So all I have to watch is a blue screen. It's an attractive color, but i'd really rather watch something with a plot. or hot guys, at the very least.

I'd wish Dom a Happy Birthday, but i forgot my ex's until about 5 minutes before his birthday was over, and i feel bad. So Dom gets no b-day wishes from me. i'll just have to make it up to him with hot monkey sex someday. ;D
I offered the same deal to James, but sadly, i think he thought i was joking. Too bad, really.

mood - cleaning
3 where we are || tell me

-want more?-

40 20 entries back
view: earlier-later